Cariera la femei
MOTTO Iubire, vezi ca azi ajung tirziu acasa: LA 1.00 AM TELECONFERINTA, LA 2.00 NASC, LA 3.00 AM MITING

Odata, la serviciu, am dat de o colega nervoasa la toaleta. Iesise din cabina, isi netezea fusta si bombanea: "Stii bancu-ala cu Itic?". N-am stiut daca vorbeste cu mine, asa ca am mormait incert, in asa fel incit, la o adica, sa reiasa ca eu de fapt cintam. A continuat si m-a scapat astfel de propria-mi mutra buimaca: "Cica se ruga Itic toata ziua la Dumnezeu: da, Doamne, sa cistig la loterie! Ajuta-ma, Doamne, sa cistig la loterie, hai, Doamne, zau, de ce nu ma ajuti si pe mine sa cistig la loterie?! La un moment dat, Dumnezeu, agasat de atita vaicareala, se repede la el: ma, Itic, pe cuvint ca te-am auzit si m-am straduit din rasputeri, dar te rog frumos, ajuta-ma si tu putin: joaca la loterie!"

Am hahait cu ea un pic, dar asteptam legatura dintre banc si motivul reuniunii noastre private. A continuat: "Asa si eu, draga: tocmai am facut acum un test de sarcina care, normal, mi-a iesit negativ. Am plins ca proasta, cu fundul pe colac, fiindca ma screm de vreo patru ani sa ramin gravida si degeaba! Dupa aia insa, brusc, mi-a bubuit mintea ca de la ciclul trecut n-am mai facut sex, de fapt! Ca eu cu barbata-miu nu ne intilnim decit 8 minute pe zi, dimineata. Si, desi el n-are nevoie decit de patru minute pentru un act sexual, eu tocmai atunci nu pot, fiindca imi fac parul cu drotul, pantofii cu crema si botul cu ruj."

Verifica-ti agenda, am putea sa ne vedem azi la 1.45 sa luam lunch-ul si sa facem un copil?

Ma uitam la ea cu ceva ce fusese pina de curind admiratie, dar deja nu mai eram sigura: femeie de cariera, obsedata de promovare, leafa, autoritate si performanta. Vorbea jumate-n engleza, jumate-n româna, cum se poarta acum, era toata numai taioare, promousan, targhet, auernes, marchet, pablic-rileisans, plening, risarci, fidbec. Dama spirt, cu parul prins ca madam Ecaterina Andronescu-Abramburica, era deci colega-cea-fara-de cusur, carierista care se temea doar de bomba atomica si de barbatii care cred ca femeile sint inferioare. Avea un sot manager, care-si facea al doilea doctorat si chelise prematur din cauza studiului napraznic si ambitiei de a fi sef. Aveau bani, lucrau in multinationale, umblau numai cu nara pe sus, trosnea mindria-n ei. Dar n-aveau copii… Asta lipsea din tabloul perfect. Cind au implinit 30 de ani, au facut consiliu de familie, cu parinti si cu socri, cu tot, si au decis sa aiba un baiat si o fata, neaparat in ordinea asta. Cind au implinit 34, s-ar fi bucurat sa aiba si-un pechinez, numai ca progamul lor de lucru era deja un pact cu diavolul. Ea se scula la 7 si pleca la 7.42 cu Renault-ul, el se scula la 7.34 si pleca la 8.02, cu Volkswagen-ul. Seara, ea venea la 9.10, comanda pizza, ii lasa si lui o felie rece, se culca, la 10.45 venea si el, minca uscatura. Apoi se strecura in pat linga ea, dar n-o trezea niciodata pentru sex, fiindca el trisa, seara nu facea dus, nu mai avea timp. Facea doar dimineata.

Ea vazuse-n filme cum femeile de cariera isi faceau test de sarcina la WC-ul firmei, deoarece acasa nu mai aveau timp. Ceea ce uita ea de fiecare data era ca numai din ovulul ei nu se putea isca nici un fat, mai trebuia si ceva de le el, parca. Dar el avea de invatat ca s-ajunga docent, ea avea de ajuns cea mai sefa si de cistigat bani. Copiii nu apareau, iar cuscrii faceau deja consilii numai intre ei, hotarau ceva, insa rezolutia raminea nerostita, telefonul tinerilor suna degeaba, iar la celulare nu raspundeau, erau in miting.

Pe ea, ovulatia o prindea numai in brainstormingul pentru campania de relansare a brandului. Iar el tot nu stia ce e aceea ovulatie, desi pe vremuri, cind erau studenti si obisnuiau sa mai si traiasca, ea ii desenase doua ovare si niste puncte pe care le inghesuiau alte puncte, cu coada. Femeile s-au opintit citeva secole sa ajunga egale cu barbatii, iar acum nu mai stiu cum sa scape de acest groaznic privilegiu. Muncim ca niste timpite, ii multumim patronului ca ne da sansa extraordinara de a lucra si-n weekend, ca sa ne afirmam si sa ne tinem de deadline. Sefii pleaca de vineri la prinz si-i mai vezi luni dupa-masa, cind se desteapta din mahmutreli de cinci stele.

Timp in care ai deosebita onoare de a le tine locul, ca de-aia ai dat atit din coate si-ai facut ulcer de cind maninci numai kebab in chifla, la serviciu, ca sa ajungi femeie de nadejde. Firma te-a rasplatit cu doua dioptrii suplimentare, dar miopia asta e semnul triumfului tau personal.

Noaptea visezi color Acrobat Reader, Outlook si Power Point, cosmarul ti-e impicatit de guguloaie de foldere galbene pe care scrie "urgent", "campanie", "scheme", "rapoarte". În somn, butonul Delete nu merge, nu scapi de patratici si te trezesti tipind. Nu pentru ca te innebunesc folderele, ci pentru ca e deja 7.30 si la 8 trebuie sa fii la firma si-ai dormit strimb si-ti sta bretonul ca o bidinea.

Scuza-ma, te las putin pe fir, ca ma cere unul de nevasta...

Munca e buna numai cind ti-aduce un franc cinstit in buzunar si, mai ales, iti da si ragazul sa-l cheltuiesti. Sistemul suedez prevede ca trebuie sa ametesti muncind cinci zile pe saptamina si sa ametesti in bar doua zile pe saptamina. Asta e raportul minim rezonabil.

Carierismul e plasmuirea bolnava a unor filme imbecile de la Hollywood, care insinueaza ca o femeie poate face orice, daca vrea ea: ajunge imediat director executiv, naste trei pui vii pe care ii hraneste cu lapte praf, sotul o iubeste lesinant, desi o vede cam sase ore pe saptamina (sau poate tocmai de-aia), iar el, desi e neurochirurg, sef la Memorial Hospital, nu e stresat deloc, face mincare la copii, spala vase si-o asteapta pe ea cu masina la firma, seara. Pardon, noaptea. Nu se stie cind opereaza el pe creier si mai face si lectii cu aia micii, dar ea, nevasta, are de predat patru rapoarte zilnic, de zbierat la trei brokeri si de convins opt clienti sa investeasca.

Femeile care au vazut-o pe Diane Keaton in "Baby Boom" se lasa drogate de gindul inept al unui perpetuum mobile. Au senzatia ca se poate orice. Ca sotul, copilul, ciobanescul german si siameza asteapta oricit, ei latra la unison de mindrie ca au o directoare in familie.

Cind ambii soti muncesc deopotriva, ajungi sa le intelegi masochismul, pina la urma. Pericolul dospeste abia cind femeia de cariera are acasa un inginer care scapa la 4.00 de la uzina, apoi vrea mincare cu sos, maiouri cit de cit curate si putin sex. Muncind ca o disperata ca sa nu cumva sa fie promovata alta in locul ei, la o adica, femeia se inscrie deja la divortul part-time si faciliteaza hirjoana extraconjugala a barbatului constrins de hormoni.

Cind constati ca fetita ta ii spune "mama" soacra-tii (care nici nu te-a vrut de nora, fiindca nu pareai gospodina si uite ca stia ea ce stia) si biziie ca pe bona o iubeste cel mai mult de pe lume, e cam tirziu sa-ti dai demisia. Copilul nu intelege ca tu crapi muncind ca sa aiba el garsoniera-n Bucuresti cind termina liceul (daca l-o termina, ca tu n-ai timp sa-i verifici lectiile). Copilul vrea sa stai linga el, calda, pufoasa, atenta, sa simta dragostea ca pe o perna de plus. Dar tu, care-ai raspuns la celular si-n clipa cind te cerea ala de nevasta, si i-ai spus lui "da", acoperind o secunda telefonul cu palma, apoi te-ai scuzat din gene si ai continuat sa vorbesti cu seful de sectie la telefon, nu prea intelegi cum vine chestia asta cu renuntatul la cariera de dragul familiei.

Mircea, fa-te ca traiesti!

Apropo, cind ti-ai inchis ultima data telefonul, ca sa vezi un film fara sa te deranjeze nimeni? Nu e cazul, ca pe vremea cind ai vazut tu ultimul film inca nu se inventasera telefoanele cu On si Off, erau numai fixe cu roata si fir cirliontat. Vasazica: ultimul film vazut a fost un documentar despre bursa din Tokyo, ultima carte citita a fost "Notiuni de introducere in cibernetica", ultima iesire in natura a fost pe ierbuta de la Romexpo, cind ti-a venit delegatia din Danemarca, ultima data cind ai gasit alimentara deschisa in drum spre casa inca se gasea nechezol, la taclale cu prietenele stai numai prin mesaje pe robot si odata i-ai facut uneia o confesiune prin fax, inca ii cumperi copilului haine cu doua masuri mai mici, fiindca atit purta cind te-ai angajat, ultima data cind ai fi vrut sa faci sex aveai ciclu, iar ultima data cind ai facut sex te-ai inhibat, fiindca uitasesi sa-i spui ceva contabilei.

Nu i-ai mai spus barbatului din viata ta "te iubesc" de-o vesnicie, nici n-ai avea cum, ar suna ca dracu, ar trebui sa i-o suieri in timp ce-ti tai pielita de la unghii, imediat dupa ce-l ameninti sa nu cumva sa uite sa-ti cumpere tampoane cu aripioare si adeziv, ca-ti vine sigur deseara sau miine.

Am chiulit si-am sa chiulesc cu voluptate de la munca, intotdeauna. Chiuleste si tu, salveaza-ti viata, femeie! Atit cit se poate. Ia bunul simt, in doze homeopatice. Sa stii numai tu.

Cele mai frumoase petice de viata le-am capatat fugind de raspundere. Cea mai buna bere pe care am baut-o in viata mea n-a fost la Praga, ca lumea buna, ci in Herastrau, cind o taiasem de la sedinta de redactie, lasind vorba ca mi s-a spart teava de calorifer si m-au chemat vecinii sa string apa. Mi-a ramas in cap (si mie, ca atitor altora) gafa de la TVR, de la Revolutie, cind habar n-aveau ca intrasera deja in direct, si cineva i-a zis lui Dinescu: "Mircea, fa-te ca lucrezi!". Si Mircea a ascultat. Si-a ajuns departe. Pina cind vom pricepe omeneste tilcul acestui indemn vital, vom continua sa ne prefacem ca traim.


 
 

 
   
  Laser printers

Laser printers provide the highest-quality text and images available today. They are ideal for small businesses and home offices, and there are even some reliable low-cost models that are perfect for everyday printing in your home or home office. This guide will help you decide which laser printer is right for you.

Which laser printer you choose will depend not only on how much you're willing to spend, but also on your particular requirements for print quality, speed, and special features. Here are some logical ways to narrow your choices.

Advantages of HP LaserJet printers If you are looking for a personal-desktop or home-office workhorse, consider purchasing an HP LaserJet printer. These machines are designed for the long haul. They can turn out a high volume of pages per month at fantastic speeds, and they are capable of producing extremely high-quality text and graphics (including color). Plus, they are easy to set up and use.

Resolution and color.

The standard resolution in most laser printers today is 1,200 dots per inch (DPI). This is well-suited for everyday printing, including small desktop publishing jobs. (A high-end production printer might have a resolution of 2,400 DPI.) And don't think laser means only black and white: HP offers full-color laser printers that produce crisp text, bold graphics, and vivid pictures.

Speed

Lasers still hold the high ground in terms of speed: You can get full-color results as fast as 17 pages per minute (PPM), and black-and-white output as fast as 25 PPM (or 45 PPM on high-performance machines!). But when it comes to actual printing, laser printers may take a little while to warm up. When a laser printer receives data from a computer, it takes 5 to 30 seconds to prepare the printer. This is in addition to the time it takes to actually print the document. When the printer is turned on, it needs time to warm up the fuser to operating temperature. If the printer has a standby mode or is turned off between printing jobs, the warm-up time becomes even more important. To reduce waiting time, look for a laser printer that has "instant-on" fusers, which are designed to reduce warm-up time. An instant-on fuser can deliver the first page in 15 seconds!

Paper handling, size, and capacity.

Paper handling is important when shopping for a laser printer. Most laser printers use letter-size, cut-sheet paper. Additional paper trays or feeders can be added to increase the capacity or variety of media. High-end production printers use continuous-feed paper.

Laser printers can print on a variety of papers sizes, types, and weights, such as transparencies, labels, and card stock. They can also handle non-traditional media like envelopes. But be aware that many specialty papers, such as iron-on transfers, are not suitable for laser printers, because the heat used in the transfer process can damage the paper and gum up your printer.

A laser printer with duplex printing can print on one side of the paper, then turn the paper over and print on the other side. Most laser printers, however, use the simpler manual duplex printing.

Laser printers work by shooting a laser at a rotating drum. Where the laser hits the drum, it magnetizes it, and the drum passes over some microscopic ink-dust; which gets picked up in the magnetized areas. As the drum keeps rotating a piece of paper is passed by, and underneath is an even stronger magnetic attraction, which causes the dust to jump from the drum to the paper. The paper passes by a hot "fuser" which basically melts or bonds the ink-dust into the paper.

Now laser and ink-jet printers each have different advantages and disadvantages, that can help you decide which you want to buy.

The advantage to laser printers is that they can be very fast (do many pages quickly), and they use a dry toner (ink-dust). Once the ink is fused to the paper, it doesn't fade or rub off. Toner is usually cheaper for how many copies you get out of it; but more expensive overall, just you replace it much less often.

The disadvantage is that most of them are black and white, and they tend to be bigger and more expensive. There are some color laser printers, but they tend to be even more expensive, and so most individuals don't buy them yet; being more for businesses.

Inkjet Specialty Paper

First of all, Inkjet Specialty Papers are the smooth surfaced papers whose a specially formulated coating makes an ideal platform to absorb and to fix the inks that are jetted from the inkjet printer for high quality, full color printing.

Throughout the course of ink-jet development, ink chemists and media engineers realized that when a liquid ink droplet contacts the surface of paper, it tends to spread along paper fiber lines as well as penetrate into paper sizing and voids. The spreading of ink droplets is often too excessive and too irregular to maintain the resolution required. The penetration of ink into the paper is often too slow to absorb multiple ink drops on the same spot within very short time intervals. The poor color image quality due to ink spreading and intercolor bleeding is recognized as the critical issue in the development of ink-jet technology.

To obtain a high-quality color ink-jet image, the surface of the media requires a special coating. And this's why many vendors offer customers High Quality Inkjet Papers and have a know-how in Inkjet technology by leading the consumable market with professional chemistry. By the way, the special ink-jet-coated media must balance between many design parameters such as drop volume, evaporation rate, penetration rate, coating thickness, etc. Today, because of the popularity of color ink-jet printers, the markets demand for better media such as ink-jet glossy and photo media is more significant.

How do laser printers work?

Laser Printers employ a laser beam to create an image on a drum. The light of the laser changes the electrical charge in the drum wherever it gets hit. Then, the drum is rolled onto a reservoir of toner, which is picked up by the altered portions of the drum. Consequently, the toner is being transferred to the paper by an amalgamation of heat and pressure, in the same way a photocopier operates.

Since an entire page is carried over to a drum prior to the toner application, laser printers called page printers. There are also two additional types of page printers that come into the category of laser printers, even though they do not use lasers .One uses bundles of LED's to expose the drum, then the other employs LCD's. However, both of them function like a real laser printer once the drum is charged.

One of the distinguishing features of laser printers is their resolution. The ready resolutions extent from 300 dpi (dots per inch) at the bottom end to 1,200 dpi at the top end. If you compare, offset printing normally prints at 1,200 or 2,400 dpi. Some laser printers achieve higher resolutions with distinguish techniques generally known as resolution enhancement.

A standard monochrome laser printer employs a single toner, whereas colour laser printers use four toners to print in full colour. Colour laser printers are generally about five to ten times more expensive than their monochrome siblings.

Laser printers create high-quality prints and are capable of printing an almost unlimited variety of fonts. Most laser printers have a basic set of fonts, they are called internal or resident fonts, however additional fonts can be added in more ways.

Laser printers are very able when it comes to printing graphics. However, one needs good amount of memory in the printer to print high-resolution graphics. Since, laser printers are non-impact printers, they proved to be much quieter than dot-matrix. They are faster, although sometimes not as fast as some dot-matrix printers.