Femei versus barbati
Cum face baie femeia

Scoate hainele si le pune in cosul de haine, desparte hainele albe de cele colorate.

Pune halatul si se duce la baie.

Se uita-n oglinda sa vada daca s-a ingrasat, intra in cada.

Cauta buretele, se freaca cu el pe fata, pe spate si pe maini.

Se clateste pe cap cu un sampon de miere cu mere cu 83 de vitamine si se clateste bine.

Tipa ca o lupoaica cand sotul deschide apa rece la bucatarie si presiunea scade la robinetul din baie.

Mai clabuceste o data parul cu un sampon de piersici cu morcovi, 56 de vitamine si se clateste bine.

Pune conditioner de plante si-l tine 10 minute.

Spala fata cu apa de fata pe baza de grapefruit si castraveti timp de 10 minute.

Isi face masaj cu sapun de nuci cu capsuni.

Se rade la subrat, pe picioare, mustata si sprancenele.

Iese din baie, se sterge bine si se acopera cu un prosop urias.

Curata parul cazut cu hartie igienica, se uita in oglinda daca are cosuri si le inlatura cu grija.

Se intoarce in dormitor intr-un halat lung si se imbraca timp de 3 ore.

Cum face baie barbatul

Scoate toate hainele de pe el si le lasa pe jos in dormitor.

Merge in pielea goala pana la baie .

Daca o intalneste pe nevasta-sa in drum, ii arata scula ca si cand e un mare premiu, facand ca un elefant.

Se uita in oglinda, la pectorali si la cat de mare e penisul lui.

Se scarpina la oua si se miroase la degete.

Intra in cada si din toti buretii nu alege nici unul.

Clabuceste la locurile intime si in jur, lasand par pe sapun.

Rade zgomotos de la vantul rupator pe care tocmai l-a tras.

Face clabuc in cap cu primul sampon pe care il nimereste.

Face pipi in cada.

Iese din cada si se sterge doar partial.

Se acopera la brau cu un prosop mic.

O ia inspre dormitor, si in drum lasa: presul din baie ud, podeaua uda, cada plina de par si jeg, lumina aprinsa in baie.

In drum spre dormitor, daca o vede pe nevasta-sa, ii arata din nou scula lui si intra in camera.

Arunca prosopul ud pe pat, acolo ramane ud toata ziua si se imbraca cu primele haine pe care le gaseste.

Cum schimbam uleiul Cum procedeaza EA:

1. Conduce 10.000 de km dupa ultimul schimb de ulei.

2. Duce masina la Service, o preda mecanicilor, flirteaza putin si merge sa bea o cafea.

3. Dupa 15 minute se intoarce, achita si isi ia in primire masina pusa la punct.

Costuri:

Schimbul uleiului (cu manopera) - 600.000 lei

Cafeaua - 15.000 lei

Total - 615.000 lei

Cum procedeaza EL:

1. Merge la un magazin de specialitate, cumpara ulei, filtru si toate cele necesare pentru a efectua schimbul in propriul garaj.

2. Isi da seama ca ligheanul cu ulei vechi este plin si il arunca intr-o groapa sapata in gradina.

3. Intra in garaj si deschide o sticla de bere.

4. Ridica masina pe cricul pe care l-a cautat o jumatate de ora. Frustrat, mai deschide o bere.

5. Impinge ligheanul pentru ulei sub motor.

6. Cauta cheia de 16 - fara succes.

7. Ia alta cheie la nimereala.

8. Aceasta ii cade in ligheanul cu ulei.

9. Incearca sa o scoata, dar varsa tot uleiul.

10. Priveste uleiul revarsat pe jos, band alta bere.

11. Incearca sa monteze filtrul de ulei.

12. Apare un prieten care mai aduce sase beri.

13. Incep sa povesteasca… schimbul uleiului este amanat.

14. A doua zi, cumpara bere.

15. Instaleaza noul filtru de ulei.

16. Il umple cu un litru de ulei.

17. Isi aduce aminte ca are nevoie de cheia din lighean. (vezi 8.)

18. Deschide prima bere.

19. Incearca sa pescuiasca cheia din lighean cu ajutorul unei surubelnite, dar aluneca pe ulei.

20. Cade si se loveste cu capul ce ciment.

21. Se enerveaza si arunca surubelnita cat colo.

22. 10 minute ???njura pentru ca surubelnita a distrus posterul cu Miss Decembrie de pe perete.

23. O bere.

24. Ii sangereaza fruntea. Intrerupe tot si se panseaza cu multa grija.

25. O bere.

26. Inca o bere.

27. Mai varsa in rezervor 4 litri de ulei.

28. Coboara masina de pe cric.

29. De fericire ca a reusit sa schimbe uleiul mai bea o bere.

30. Porneste masina pentru o plimbare de proba.

31. Este oprit de politie si fiola indica consum ridicat de alcool.

32. Politistul este hotarat sa-l duca la sectie si sa-i ia carnetul.

33. Disperat, ofera politistului toti banii pe care credea ca-i economiseste schimband singur uleiul.

Costuri:

Uleiul - 400.000 lei

Filtru - 50.000 lei

Spaga - 500.000 lei

Berea - 225.000 lei

Total - 1.175.000 lei

In lumea intreaga au aparut afisate langa automatele bancare si instructiunile de utilizare. Iata cum suna ele: Procedura pentru barbati

1 Oprire in dreptul automatului

2 Coborarea geamului

3 Introducerea cartelei si tastarea codului PIN

4 Introducerea sumei dorite

5 Scoaterea card-ului si scoaterea banilor

6 Ridicarea geamului

7 Plecarea Procedura pentru femei

1 Oprire dupa automat

2 Parcurgerea in marsarier a distantei necesare pana in dreptul automatului

3 Repornirea motorului inecat

4 Coborirea geamului

5 Gasirea posetei, golirea acesteia pe scaunul pasagerului pentru a localiza cardul

6 Gasirea gentii de machiaj si verificarea machiajului in plafoniera

7 Incercarea introducerii card-ului

8 Deschiderea portierei pentru accesul mai facil la automat data fiind distanta prea mare pina la aceasta

9 Introducerea card-ului

10 Introducerea card-ului in pozitia corecta

11 Reintrare in masina si cautare jurnal care are codul PIN scris pe coperta interioara

12 Introducerea codului PIN

13 Apasare “Cancel” si reintroducerea codului PIN corect

14 Introducerea sumei dorite

15 Reverificarea machiajului in oglinda retrovizoare

16 Scoaterea banilor

17 Golirea posetei, din nou, pentru gasirea portofelului si introducerea banilor in portofel

18 Reverificarea machiajului

19 Parcurgerea a citiva metri

20 Reintoarcerea la automat

21 Recuperarea card-ului

22 Regolirea posetei, gasirea portofelului, punerea card-ului in locasul lui

23 Reverificarea machiajului

24 Repornirea motorului care s-a inecat si demarare

25 Conducerea a 6 pina la 8 km

26 Eliberarea frinei de mina.

Google

 
 

 
   
  Laser printers

Laser printers provide the highest-quality text and images available today. They are ideal for small businesses and home offices, and there are even some reliable low-cost models that are perfect for everyday printing in your home or home office. This guide will help you decide which laser printer is right for you.

Which laser printer you choose will depend not only on how much you're willing to spend, but also on your particular requirements for print quality, speed, and special features. Here are some logical ways to narrow your choices.

Advantages of HP LaserJet printers If you are looking for a personal-desktop or home-office workhorse, consider purchasing an HP LaserJet printer. These machines are designed for the long haul. They can turn out a high volume of pages per month at fantastic speeds, and they are capable of producing extremely high-quality text and graphics (including color). Plus, they are easy to set up and use.

Resolution and color.

The standard resolution in most laser printers today is 1,200 dots per inch (DPI). This is well-suited for everyday printing, including small desktop publishing jobs. (A high-end production printer might have a resolution of 2,400 DPI.) And don't think laser means only black and white: HP offers full-color laser printers that produce crisp text, bold graphics, and vivid pictures.

Speed

Lasers still hold the high ground in terms of speed: You can get full-color results as fast as 17 pages per minute (PPM), and black-and-white output as fast as 25 PPM (or 45 PPM on high-performance machines!). But when it comes to actual printing, laser printers may take a little while to warm up. When a laser printer receives data from a computer, it takes 5 to 30 seconds to prepare the printer. This is in addition to the time it takes to actually print the document. When the printer is turned on, it needs time to warm up the fuser to operating temperature. If the printer has a standby mode or is turned off between printing jobs, the warm-up time becomes even more important. To reduce waiting time, look for a laser printer that has "instant-on" fusers, which are designed to reduce warm-up time. An instant-on fuser can deliver the first page in 15 seconds!

Paper handling, size, and capacity.

Paper handling is important when shopping for a laser printer. Most laser printers use letter-size, cut-sheet paper. Additional paper trays or feeders can be added to increase the capacity or variety of media. High-end production printers use continuous-feed paper.

Laser printers can print on a variety of papers sizes, types, and weights, such as transparencies, labels, and card stock. They can also handle non-traditional media like envelopes. But be aware that many specialty papers, such as iron-on transfers, are not suitable for laser printers, because the heat used in the transfer process can damage the paper and gum up your printer.

A laser printer with duplex printing can print on one side of the paper, then turn the paper over and print on the other side. Most laser printers, however, use the simpler manual duplex printing.

Laser printers work by shooting a laser at a rotating drum. Where the laser hits the drum, it magnetizes it, and the drum passes over some microscopic ink-dust; which gets picked up in the magnetized areas. As the drum keeps rotating a piece of paper is passed by, and underneath is an even stronger magnetic attraction, which causes the dust to jump from the drum to the paper. The paper passes by a hot "fuser" which basically melts or bonds the ink-dust into the paper.

Now laser and ink-jet printers each have different advantages and disadvantages, that can help you decide which you want to buy.

The advantage to laser printers is that they can be very fast (do many pages quickly), and they use a dry toner (ink-dust). Once the ink is fused to the paper, it doesn't fade or rub off. Toner is usually cheaper for how many copies you get out of it; but more expensive overall, just you replace it much less often.

The disadvantage is that most of them are black and white, and they tend to be bigger and more expensive. There are some color laser printers, but they tend to be even more expensive, and so most individuals don't buy them yet; being more for businesses.

Inkjet Specialty Paper

First of all, Inkjet Specialty Papers are the smooth surfaced papers whose a specially formulated coating makes an ideal platform to absorb and to fix the inks that are jetted from the inkjet printer for high quality, full color printing.

Throughout the course of ink-jet development, ink chemists and media engineers realized that when a liquid ink droplet contacts the surface of paper, it tends to spread along paper fiber lines as well as penetrate into paper sizing and voids. The spreading of ink droplets is often too excessive and too irregular to maintain the resolution required. The penetration of ink into the paper is often too slow to absorb multiple ink drops on the same spot within very short time intervals. The poor color image quality due to ink spreading and intercolor bleeding is recognized as the critical issue in the development of ink-jet technology.

To obtain a high-quality color ink-jet image, the surface of the media requires a special coating. And this's why many vendors offer customers High Quality Inkjet Papers and have a know-how in Inkjet technology by leading the consumable market with professional chemistry. By the way, the special ink-jet-coated media must balance between many design parameters such as drop volume, evaporation rate, penetration rate, coating thickness, etc. Today, because of the popularity of color ink-jet printers, the markets demand for better media such as ink-jet glossy and photo media is more significant.

How do laser printers work?

Laser Printers employ a laser beam to create an image on a drum. The light of the laser changes the electrical charge in the drum wherever it gets hit. Then, the drum is rolled onto a reservoir of toner, which is picked up by the altered portions of the drum. Consequently, the toner is being transferred to the paper by an amalgamation of heat and pressure, in the same way a photocopier operates.

Since an entire page is carried over to a drum prior to the toner application, laser printers called page printers. There are also two additional types of page printers that come into the category of laser printers, even though they do not use lasers .One uses bundles of LED's to expose the drum, then the other employs LCD's. However, both of them function like a real laser printer once the drum is charged.

One of the distinguishing features of laser printers is their resolution. The ready resolutions extent from 300 dpi (dots per inch) at the bottom end to 1,200 dpi at the top end. If you compare, offset printing normally prints at 1,200 or 2,400 dpi. Some laser printers achieve higher resolutions with distinguish techniques generally known as resolution enhancement.

A standard monochrome laser printer employs a single toner, whereas colour laser printers use four toners to print in full colour. Colour laser printers are generally about five to ten times more expensive than their monochrome siblings.

Laser printers create high-quality prints and are capable of printing an almost unlimited variety of fonts. Most laser printers have a basic set of fonts, they are called internal or resident fonts, however additional fonts can be added in more ways.

Laser printers are very able when it comes to printing graphics. However, one needs good amount of memory in the printer to print high-resolution graphics. Since, laser printers are non-impact printers, they proved to be much quieter than dot-matrix. They are faster, although sometimes not as fast as some dot-matrix printers.