Resurse umane si rahat copt
Daca ar fi stiut ce-l asteapta, Seful l-ar fi ascultat pe Paulica si i-ar fi acordat acea marire de salariu. Nici nu cerea mult omul, 1 milion de lei vechi si prapaditi, macar sa-si scoata banii dati pe transportul in comun si, poate, si ceva din factura de mobil necompensata. Paulica avea prea mult bun simt sa-i spuna Sefului sa faca bine si sa-i sune personal pe acei furnizori din cateva simple motive: 1) Nu-i cad coaiele; 2) Cuvantul lui are mai multa greutate; 3) Paulica era prea gras si cu craci prea strambi ca sa fie secretara, fie si a Sefului, aflat la varsta temerilor si indoielilor, drept pt care ar fi regulat si-o pisica, numai sa-si reconfirme indoielnica virilitate; 4) Seful avea minute nelimitate, Paulica vorbea pe banii lui (putini).

L-am auzit de multe ori pe Paulica spunand cu naduf ca lucram intr-o firma de cacat. Si ca merita sa ne pisam pe ea si sa ne caram in lumea larga. Dar n-aveam cum sa-mi inchipui nici in cele mai negre vise ca refularile pasnicului Paulica aveau sa se adevereasca mai ceva ca abstractiunile lui Nostradamus.

Si se facu o zi de noiembrie oribil, cu o ploaie diluviana, numa' buna sa stai acasa, cu plapuma-n cap, necum sa vii la scarbici. Un fum alb gros, o duhoare patrunzatoare patrunsese in tot sediul, in toate ungherele, in toti porii. Nu atat frica de incendiu ne-a precipitat pe toti afara, in ploaie, ci mirosul acela lugubru, care parea ca ne exfoliaza esofagul si plamanii. "Ce Dumnezeu o fi? A luat foc serverul? O fi vreun scurtcircuit?" "De unde, miroase a sobolan mort, cred ca s-o fi prins unul in fire si asta i-a fost!", ne dadeam noi cu parerea. Evident ca nimeni n-a avut curajul sa orbecaie prin fumul gros inauntru nici macar pt a-si salva hainele.

Ne-am numarat intre noi. Lipsea Paulica. "Te pomenesti ca a ramas inauntru, bai, sariti si scoateti-l, ca asta se asfixiaza acolo si, aitist nebun ce este, daca nu ii da nimeni un mail ca arde sediul, singur nu-si da seama". "Nu va duceti, ca muriti degeaba, Paulica a iesit val-vartej acum 10 minute", ne-a spus o colega. Si dus a fost. Nu si consecintele plecarii sale intempestive.

Ce am aflat ulterior a fost o palma pe obrazul tuturor domnisoarelor de la resurse umane care ne invata ca la interviu se merge cu capul in pamant si nu se intreaba de salariu. Asa facuse si Paulica si a ajuns ca noi toti, doar ca pragul lui de toleranta era altundeva situat. Ardelean molcom, Paulica se enerva greu, dar cand ajungea la concluzia ca-i bai, apai bai era!

Dupa a douazecea intrevedere cu Seful, in care i se pusese aceeasi placa (compania e-n dezvoltare, are cheltuieli mari - normal, Seful isi luase 4x4 si pasase vechea masina socrilor - ca el, Paulica, este platit oricum regeste pt munca "de rahat" pe care o face, ca ar trebui sa fie recunoscator ca i s-a dat sansa de a munci la patron strain si ca este un vierme profitor), Paulica a ajuns la concluzia ca-i bai.

Restul e istorie. Cand firma e de cacat, iar tu faci - zice Seful - munca de rahat, nu poti decat sa accepti ca duci o viata de rahat. Dar macar cald sa fie, sa nu faci amigdalita. Drept pt care Paulica si-a facut nevoile pe platoul din cuptorul cu microunde. Un rahat mare, incolacit, ca un kurtoskolacs, de abia a incaput. Dupa care ardeleanul scos din minti, pe care nimeni nu-l auzise un an ridicand tonul, a rotit temporizatorul pt 10 minute. Si dus a fost.

Domnisoarele de la resurse umane ar trebui sa invete ca un rahat copt lent si uniform, la peste 300 de grade Celsius, timp de 10 minute, pute nu ingrozitor, ci este insasi definitia ororii. Pute insidios, pt ca nu te paleste dintr-o data, ci lent, prin toate lufturile de sub usi si intra pana si-n tencuiala. Ceea ce s-a si intamplat.

- n-am mai putut purta niciodata haina uitata in cuierul de pe holul de langa biroul sefului, unde era amplasat nefericitul cuptor cu microunde. Nici colegii mei

- sediul a trebuit sa fie abandonat definitiv. Dupa 2 saptamani de stat cu usile si ferestrele vraiste, mirosea ca la crematoriu. Nici zugravitul nu a rezolvat mare lucru, desi a costat mult mai mult decat milionul in plus la leafa bietului Paulica

- a trebuit schimbat tot mobilierul. Prinsese miros de privata comunala, cu imbunatatiri de mahon nobil

- cuptorul respectiv n-a mai fost bun nici pt tiganii care treceau prin zona sa ridice deseurile. "Da' ce-ati facut, manca-v-as, v-ati uscat cainele in cuptor si l-ati uitat acolo?!", ne-au intrebat ei si au renuntat sa-l mai ia

- Luminita a facut hepatita. De greata. Acum sufera si de constipatie cronica si colon iritabil, pt ca orice drum la toaleta pt cuvenita usurare ii da frisoane

- Seful a pierdut un contract banos de publicitate cu o mare agentie. Clientii au intrat la banuieli vazand ca El Lider Maximo se tot codeste sa-i invite in sediu si se intalneste cu ei prin restaurante si hoteluri. Probleme de bonitate, daca nici sediu nu-si permit - si-or fi zis ei si dusi au fost. Pt ca zgarciobul nici macar n-a vrut sa inchirieze temporar un alt sediu.

- chiar daca lucrez acum altundeva, eu nu mai vin cu mancare de acasa si cu atat mai putin nu concep sa o mai incalzesc la microunde. Si asta ma costa al naibii. Unde mai pui ca am fobie la electrocasnice

Ziceti si voi, acum. Nu era mai ieftin sa-i fi dat amaratului blestematul acela de milion in plus?

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  Laser printers

Laser printers provide the highest-quality text and images available today. They are ideal for small businesses and home offices, and there are even some reliable low-cost models that are perfect for everyday printing in your home or home office. This guide will help you decide which laser printer is right for you.

Which laser printer you choose will depend not only on how much you're willing to spend, but also on your particular requirements for print quality, speed, and special features. Here are some logical ways to narrow your choices.

Advantages of HP LaserJet printers If you are looking for a personal-desktop or home-office workhorse, consider purchasing an HP LaserJet printer. These machines are designed for the long haul. They can turn out a high volume of pages per month at fantastic speeds, and they are capable of producing extremely high-quality text and graphics (including color). Plus, they are easy to set up and use.

Resolution and color.

The standard resolution in most laser printers today is 1,200 dots per inch (DPI). This is well-suited for everyday printing, including small desktop publishing jobs. (A high-end production printer might have a resolution of 2,400 DPI.) And don't think laser means only black and white: HP offers full-color laser printers that produce crisp text, bold graphics, and vivid pictures.

Speed

Lasers still hold the high ground in terms of speed: You can get full-color results as fast as 17 pages per minute (PPM), and black-and-white output as fast as 25 PPM (or 45 PPM on high-performance machines!). But when it comes to actual printing, laser printers may take a little while to warm up. When a laser printer receives data from a computer, it takes 5 to 30 seconds to prepare the printer. This is in addition to the time it takes to actually print the document. When the printer is turned on, it needs time to warm up the fuser to operating temperature. If the printer has a standby mode or is turned off between printing jobs, the warm-up time becomes even more important. To reduce waiting time, look for a laser printer that has "instant-on" fusers, which are designed to reduce warm-up time. An instant-on fuser can deliver the first page in 15 seconds!

Paper handling, size, and capacity.

Paper handling is important when shopping for a laser printer. Most laser printers use letter-size, cut-sheet paper. Additional paper trays or feeders can be added to increase the capacity or variety of media. High-end production printers use continuous-feed paper.

Laser printers can print on a variety of papers sizes, types, and weights, such as transparencies, labels, and card stock. They can also handle non-traditional media like envelopes. But be aware that many specialty papers, such as iron-on transfers, are not suitable for laser printers, because the heat used in the transfer process can damage the paper and gum up your printer.

A laser printer with duplex printing can print on one side of the paper, then turn the paper over and print on the other side. Most laser printers, however, use the simpler manual duplex printing.

Laser printers work by shooting a laser at a rotating drum. Where the laser hits the drum, it magnetizes it, and the drum passes over some microscopic ink-dust; which gets picked up in the magnetized areas. As the drum keeps rotating a piece of paper is passed by, and underneath is an even stronger magnetic attraction, which causes the dust to jump from the drum to the paper. The paper passes by a hot "fuser" which basically melts or bonds the ink-dust into the paper.

Now laser and ink-jet printers each have different advantages and disadvantages, that can help you decide which you want to buy.

The advantage to laser printers is that they can be very fast (do many pages quickly), and they use a dry toner (ink-dust). Once the ink is fused to the paper, it doesn't fade or rub off. Toner is usually cheaper for how many copies you get out of it; but more expensive overall, just you replace it much less often.

The disadvantage is that most of them are black and white, and they tend to be bigger and more expensive. There are some color laser printers, but they tend to be even more expensive, and so most individuals don't buy them yet; being more for businesses.

Inkjet Specialty Paper

First of all, Inkjet Specialty Papers are the smooth surfaced papers whose a specially formulated coating makes an ideal platform to absorb and to fix the inks that are jetted from the inkjet printer for high quality, full color printing.

Throughout the course of ink-jet development, ink chemists and media engineers realized that when a liquid ink droplet contacts the surface of paper, it tends to spread along paper fiber lines as well as penetrate into paper sizing and voids. The spreading of ink droplets is often too excessive and too irregular to maintain the resolution required. The penetration of ink into the paper is often too slow to absorb multiple ink drops on the same spot within very short time intervals. The poor color image quality due to ink spreading and intercolor bleeding is recognized as the critical issue in the development of ink-jet technology.

To obtain a high-quality color ink-jet image, the surface of the media requires a special coating. And this's why many vendors offer customers High Quality Inkjet Papers and have a know-how in Inkjet technology by leading the consumable market with professional chemistry. By the way, the special ink-jet-coated media must balance between many design parameters such as drop volume, evaporation rate, penetration rate, coating thickness, etc. Today, because of the popularity of color ink-jet printers, the markets demand for better media such as ink-jet glossy and photo media is more significant.

How do laser printers work?

Laser Printers employ a laser beam to create an image on a drum. The light of the laser changes the electrical charge in the drum wherever it gets hit. Then, the drum is rolled onto a reservoir of toner, which is picked up by the altered portions of the drum. Consequently, the toner is being transferred to the paper by an amalgamation of heat and pressure, in the same way a photocopier operates.

Since an entire page is carried over to a drum prior to the toner application, laser printers called page printers. There are also two additional types of page printers that come into the category of laser printers, even though they do not use lasers .One uses bundles of LED's to expose the drum, then the other employs LCD's. However, both of them function like a real laser printer once the drum is charged.

One of the distinguishing features of laser printers is their resolution. The ready resolutions extent from 300 dpi (dots per inch) at the bottom end to 1,200 dpi at the top end. If you compare, offset printing normally prints at 1,200 or 2,400 dpi. Some laser printers achieve higher resolutions with distinguish techniques generally known as resolution enhancement.

A standard monochrome laser printer employs a single toner, whereas colour laser printers use four toners to print in full colour. Colour laser printers are generally about five to ten times more expensive than their monochrome siblings.

Laser printers create high-quality prints and are capable of printing an almost unlimited variety of fonts. Most laser printers have a basic set of fonts, they are called internal or resident fonts, however additional fonts can be added in more ways.

Laser printers are very able when it comes to printing graphics. However, one needs good amount of memory in the printer to print high-resolution graphics. Since, laser printers are non-impact printers, they proved to be much quieter than dot-matrix. They are faster, although sometimes not as fast as some dot-matrix printers.